Lying in bed
staring at the ceiling
at one am
I often fantasize
about the
Soulless-Murderer-
Breaking-In-The-
House-And-Killing-
Us-All-For-No-Good-
Reason
drama
“All”
includes
the four
cats
Now
I’d like to think
I’d move deftly
for the Remington
.12 gauge
swing it up
to the left
pull the trigger
and remove
the dirty
bastard’s head
before he laid
a finger
on my wife
myself
or the
cats
I’d like to think
I wouldn’t snore
through the
whole thing
stunned
to be
waking up
in eternity
But these are not
the real problems
a home invasion
presents
What about
the hours
after the shotgun
has been cleaned
and put away
After
Portland’s Finest
have come
asking the
necessary
questions
It’ll be
three o’clock
and I’ll be staring
at a living room wall
painted in brain
and bone
trying to keep
Luther from
licking at it
What do you do?
Get out the Lysol
and start
scrubbing?
Who knows
So I roll over
in bed at
one fifteen am
stare at
my wife’s
exquisite
sleeping
shoulder
for a
moment
and try
to ignore the
unnerving
creaking
out on the
hallway
floor
Probably Luther
batting a mouse
around
He brings them in
and saves them
for the boring
hours
Have to clean
that up
in the
morning
too
Ah well
Good
Night
And
Amen
_______________________________
The first Wednesday morning poem here guys, enjoy. IT professional I ain’t…
BONUS: Here’s a shot of my boy Luther, a real lady-killer.
21 responses so far ↓
1 jancartier | 23 Apr 2008
At night, sleeping child in the bedroom. Lone adult, you will find yourself .357 in hand ready to pull the trigger, but grateful the large faithful dog made it unnecessary.
The residue the intruder leaves behind in that case is the knowledge that you would. And that changes you forever.
What lesson was that God?
2 Karrie | 23 Apr 2008
That brought so back so many memories of sounds in the night and responses to them. Thank you for sharing with us - keep on writing your good stuff!
3 Sharon | 23 Apr 2008
Hee hee, you crack me up. That is so me in the middle of the night in the house alone with 3 cats (you’ve got me beat!).
I usually find it helpful to plan an escape route considering each direction that an invader might break in from (the air vent in the ceiling is the best way out). Yup. I also like to imagine that somehow the cats might offer some sort of protection for me (like hissing and clawing or tripping someone in the dark?)
Luther is very handsome :-)
4 Zak | 23 Apr 2008
I never figured you for a cat owner, but it’s better that I find out now than in July.
Anyway, I think you could handle yourself with an intruder, just do your signature index finger stand double backflip roundhouse to the head combo. Even if that didn’t incapacitate your soulless murderer, he would surely recognize his favorite Power-Ranger and ask for your autograph.
5 candice | 23 Apr 2008
Since the boy moved in, there is a Mossberg in the apartment, for the same sort of reason. Lots more firepower than my little guns has arrived in the house.
But, right now, with the fact that out of four apartments in this old house, we have three dogs, I hope we will be okay.
I would add though, that you can hear gunshots around here on quiet nights in the summer.
6 David Zemens | 27 Apr 2008
I love the image for this post, Robert. Neat.
My son solved the dilema of sleeping through an intruder’s arrival by getting a dog. A big dog. Take a look at his dog, memorialized forever in this blog post.
7 Robert Bruce | 28 Apr 2008
jancartier - I’m obviously missing the dog… next step.
8 Robert Bruce | 28 Apr 2008
Karrie - Thanks much, will do, as long as it comes.
9 Robert Bruce | 28 Apr 2008
Sharon - How the heck are you going to get up through the vent! A ladder?
Yeah, I’m hoping the same from my cats, though Luther is so cool, he just wants to make friends with everyone… I think he blushed at your compliment.
10 Robert Bruce | 28 Apr 2008
Zak - Will do, on the finger stand. It cannot be defended against.
And yes, cats make life possible, bearable, interesting. You’ll just have to live with that ;)
11 Robert Bruce | 28 Apr 2008
candice - The Mossberg’s GREAT. As you know, all you need to do is charge one into the chamber with those, that is a universal sound for imminent death. It’ll send any psychopath running.
12 Robert Bruce | 28 Apr 2008
Zemens - Correct me if I’m wrong, but I imagine you’ve seen the real thing a few times. Not sure how accurate my blood spatter is there, need a few episodes of CSI.
Duke looks like a real badass. Or, will be one day. I like him.
13 David Zemens | 28 Apr 2008
I have seen the real thing more times than I care to recall. My recollection is it’s never that neat. Or uniform.
Duke is a badass. The nicest dog you will ever meat. But he looks like a badass, that’s for certain!
14 Chantel | 29 Apr 2008
I told someone once that I would die for my children. its the only truth I know. I know I would kill, die, starve or steal for my children. I don’t have a husband or wife but I hope that when/if I do; I would love them that much too.
15 candice | 30 Apr 2008
My usual thought when it comes to that Mossberg is that the recoil is a bitch on it.
16 Magnus | 1 May 2008
I love the problem of what to do with brains on the wall!
I wonder if I would go all Keyser Söze on someone. Probably in my natural state.
Here in Indiana we have a lot of hog farms, that would be tempting.
I have often thought about this problem and nearly weekly wonder what I would do. I think men want challenges that test their core. What will I be made of when all hell breaks loose. I think many men already know. They know the savage that cul de sacs have tamed lies in there.
Some men are terrified of what they would do.
I am.
I know what is inside.
Burn down the whole world for my family.
17 potterspoet | 6 May 2008
i, too, never figured you for a cat person. Four?! you must be insane. Actually my boss has 7. You’re only on your way to insane. Too many people around for me to worry about things that go bump in the night here. That isn’t to say that I don’t worry, just that I shouldn’t. And my dog may not be a mastiff (very sweet dogs, by the way), but he’s large enough to be frightening.
Zemens- We neutered a 150 pound mastiff the other day at the clinic. PLEASE ask your son to neuter his before it takes four techs to get him on the table.
potterspoet
18 David Zemens | 6 May 2008
Duke was neutered about six weeks ago. Done deal. No difficulties reported, but thanks for the suggestion,
19 potterspoet | 6 May 2008
thanks:) i’m sure they appreciated it.
20 rhbee | 17 May 2008
Two dogs . . .
Some Low level of rage runs through my thoughts like black&tan rotweilers barking and snapping and thirsting for blood.
I know I can’t let them loose. It won’t do me no good.
Still, they run,
They rage,
Seek solace on a page.
Act out, . . .No doubt, . . . I’ll end up in a cage.
But just once wouldn’t it be worth it
To let them all the way out.
Get blood up the snout.
I have to find a punching bag, a tackling dummy, a blocking machine;
A way to vent my spleen.
Just picture it: A meal on wheels made of corporate heads, millionaires’ homesteads, stars and starlets fresh from their magazine spreads.
The growl snarls up and through me
My chest vibrating . . .
My voice gone vibrato,
My jaws unclench, saliva flows.
God, just to be raving pack of two dogs
Finally let go.
21 M. Claire | 18 May 2008
Thats a great picture of Luther. Just last night I thought someone broke in. Or was trying to. Just friggin Hannah batting the window at another cat. Stupid furball.
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