We talk so much
about so little
At work
in our homes
online
and on our phones
we gather
circling over
the lives of
family, friends, acquiantances and strangers
like vultures
we rip away bits of flesh
feasting on their tragedy
and failure
In this formation
days are shaved off
of precious lives
in heavy chunks
and we do not see
that Death is only
a mile down the road
rolling toward us
in a gold 1972
Cadillac Coupe De Ville
And when that beast
swings into our driveway
the time for talk
will have passed
Death’s secretary
will have already booked
a meeting with
family, friends, acquiantances and strangers
a meeting in which the
top item on the agenda
will be to feast on the
delicious story
of our demise
Just as we had done
so well
when we were
among the living
We talk so much
about so little
And with so little
time
left
We still
sit at the stone
sharpening
our tongues
and admiring them
as they gleam
in
the
sun
27 responses so far ↓
1 Zachary David Forrest y Salazar | 2 Oct 2006
Though I have problems with the aesthetics of your poetry, this is by far, the best I’ve ever seen of your work.
Just like criticism, a compliment should be given where it is due.
2 Mr. Larson | 2 Oct 2006
Convicting.
3 Mantooth | 2 Oct 2006
Yet again, you raise an interesting point my old friend.
But before I get into that, did you hear about that person with the “thing”? They insisted on “removing” it! Why, I ask you!
Truley, it was what made them unique…. but I digress.
Which brings me back to you…
Well stated. People should sing more.
Yours,
Mantooth
P.S. Nice to see your attornies making the scene.
4 Robert Bruce | 3 Oct 2006
Zachary -
Fair enough.
I too have problems with the aesthetics of my stuff.
Either way, glad you’re here to let me have it, good or bad.
5 Robert Bruce | 3 Oct 2006
Mr. Larson -
Agreed.
6 Robert Bruce | 3 Oct 2006
Mantooth -
I used to sing all the time.
Now I just scream.
7 Zachary David Forrest y Salazar | 4 Oct 2006
Just out of curiosity, I thought I would rework your poem to follow a ten-syllable line more closely (not rigidly), just closely. I gave some more structure to the stanzas, as well as keeping the line breaks nice and clean (breaking on nouns and verbs as opposed to articles and prepostions).
I just wanted to see how it looked. It turned out nicely. I know we haven’t met, but I’m not trying to change your poem, just offer you some other perspective and give you a chance to view your work differently.
We talk so much about so little.
At work,in our homes,online,and on our phones
we gather circling over the lives of family,
friends, acquiantances and strangers
like vultures we rip away bits of flesh
feasting on their tragedy and failure.
In this formation, days are shaved off
of precious lives in heavy chunks
and we do not see that Death is only
a mile down the road rolling toward us
in a gold 1972 Cadillac Coupe De Ville–
And when that beast swings into our driveway
the time for talk will have passed, Death’s
secretary will have already booked a meeting
with family, friends, acquiantances
and strangers a meeting in which the top item
on the agenda will be to feast on the delicious
story of our demise. Just as we had done
so well, when we were among the living.
We talk so much about so little. And with so little
time left We still sit at the stone sharpening
our tongues and admiring them as they gleam in the sun.
Maybe you could try writing a villanelle for next week? Or whenever. Your work is free verse, I’m just curious to see how well you could pull off a form.
8 Jecklin | 4 Oct 2006
I vote for a sestina
9 Robert Bruce | 4 Oct 2006
Zachary -
Thanks for the rework (really). But no thanks.
Traditional forms are hot again, but the day job offers me more than enough structure at this point.
Years ago I played with sonnets and ballads and villanelles and etc., but ultimately none of it worked for me. Still doesn’t. Don’t know why. Don’t care.
Right now I’m just waiting for the next line. The next beer. The next…
If I wake up tomorrow with a thing for Auden, you’ll be the first to know.
If I wake up tomorrow with a thing for arc welding, I’ll go open a shop, shut this place down and none of us will have to worry about it.
10 Robert Bruce | 4 Oct 2006
Jeck - I’m still mad at you for taking a vacation.
Hope it was a good one.
11 zach | 4 Oct 2006
HAAHAHHA
Ok then. Thanks for spelling it out.
12 Robert Bruce | 4 Oct 2006
And thanks for taking the time you did with my little poem.
I mean it…
13 candice | 5 Oct 2006
I was going to comment something to the effect that rearrangement makes it look too common. The right description isn’t coming and I went shooting today instead of working, so I can’t take more time to describe it…
Like boring poetry in textbooks.
Then again, I think I make a really strange muse for these arts, considering, but take it as you will.
14 Jessica Doyle | 5 Oct 2006
Robert I like the form of your poems. They do not wear a uniform. They suit up in knife gun pen style. And style is not classic. Classic has already passed. And you my online friend have learned the old ways and know how to cut, shoot ‘em full of holes and then write them out with clarity.
Something like that ;)
My mom is town right now visiting for the first time in four years… lots of talking, lots of hashing and most of all lots of ugs and open ended conversations.
Cheers dude!
15 Robert Bruce | 6 Oct 2006
Candice - How’s your little HK firing these days?
And no, not strange at all…
16 Robert Bruce | 6 Oct 2006
JD - Four years. I’m sure the hashing and the ugs are well worth it. Enjoy.
I have a mother poem lying around somewhere here, but haven’t run it yet. Can’t afford having anyone think I’ve gone soft…
17 candice | 6 Oct 2006
Robert, like a dream. I need to make sure to grease the mags better next time I go out though.
Getting a second one in .40 with night-sights from my ex-boyfriend. (101 reasons candice dates rich boys, #n…)
18 AndrewE | 7 Oct 2006
tribach, amphibrach, bacchius, choriamb, dochmiac, molossus, amphimacer, antibacchius, antichoriamb, antidochmiac, iamb, trochee, dactyl, anapest, epitrius, glyconic…
there are so many forms of classical quantitative meter to structure poetry, it is good to know them, to have strict foundations, but ultimately, I feel, it will be in the departure from prescribed modes of formalism that the poet finds her breath. Just like the contemporary dancer leaves behind her balletic vocabulary in search of new phrases - the body never forgets, but the mind allows it to evolve.
19 Brian Clark | 7 Oct 2006
Robert, don’t you dare change a thing…
Or I’ll drive up in my gold 1972 Cadillac Coupe De Ville, and you’ll know my name is Jules as I lay my vengence upon thee. :)
20 Robert Bruce | 8 Oct 2006
Candice - Your honesty is admirable ;)
21 Robert Bruce | 8 Oct 2006
Andrew - Nice list there my man. I agree fully with the “master it and then throw it away” logic. Though I never mastered any form, I’m still going to throw it away…
Now I’m sounding like an anarchist, which I ain’t baby.
22 Robert Bruce | 8 Oct 2006
Brian - I knew it was you all along.
And if anything does change around here, I’ll grow a pair of eyes in the back of my head…
When ARE you driving up here anyway? I think you said something about Jameson?
23 Robert Bruce | 8 Oct 2006
And Scotch-Irish?
24 candice | 8 Oct 2006
Robert - the real reason is the rich ones don’t get weird about me and money. And I don’t feel as guilty about letting them pay for stuff.
Your average 25-year old guy in New Orleans makes half what I do now. Often less. It gets weird. (I dated this cute waiter a while back, you see….)
25 Jessica Doyle | 10 Oct 2006
I guess i left out some words… lol
lots of hashing it out and hugs rather but the other wording, um, i have no excuse but pure typing skills that are not as fast as my brain speed.
lmao - hashing and ugs - omg!
26 Fup | 17 Jan 2008
hmmmm…very interesting!
27 Janine | 25 Jun 2008
“Robert, don’t you dare change a thing…”
Can I just say “amen” to that?
“may I be I is the only prayer–not may I be great or good or beautiful or wise or strong”
e.e. cummings
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