The residents
of Chillingworth
had their eyes
on Walter for
many weeks
He’d just moved into
the neighborhood
and he was not
like them
Sure, he looked the part
good green job
hybrid in the driveway
bicycled to the co-op
on Saturday mornings
But one measure
was missing
Walter Penn
refused to recycle
Every week
the garbage can filled
Every week
the community seethed
They’d graciously
admonished him
conducted
secret meetings
in basements
laid zealous plans
All in vain
Walter
continually failed
to separate
his glass
from his plastic
On the morning of
Monday, July 4th
Walter woke to
to find his
garage door painted
forest green
He did not
recycle
Days later
the carcasses
of seventeen
organic detergent bottles
were strung along his fence
He did not
recycle
Then came
the be-in
fifteen nude protesters
sitting on his lawn
wearing nothing
but hemp tennies
and earnest faces
He did not
recycle
They broke down
his front door
on a warm Friday
evening
It happened fast
he’d tried to run
out the back
but was caught
by an organic lasso
of some kind
Walter was tied to a post
and placed on
a platform of upturned
recycling bins
in the center of the
neighborhood
cul-de-sac
Video rolled
The time for protest
had ended
Small children
flung local honey
across his body
Then the
flying cans
the reusable bottles
without lids
The community cheered
with each new
act of retribution
And the swarm
dissipated almost
as quickly as it
had begun
He was left there
on that beautiful
summer night
under the stars
like a living
monument of
social
responsibility
At 3:17 am
his heart began
to fail
From the platform
Walter sputtered
his final words
to a large rat
who’d come
to sniff things
out
“I just didn’t
feel like it.
That’s all.”
Walter Penn
of Chillingworth
did not
recycle
And
of course
he never
would
34 responses ↓
1 ryan | 23 Jun 2008
he got what he deserved!
2 Robert Bruce | 23 Jun 2008
You dog you.
;)
3 JC Stefano | 23 Jun 2008
Bobby,
I feel another short film in the works. I think this one might make a better message. Let’s talk about it.
4 Robert Bruce | 23 Jun 2008
You know it. But let’s not shoot it in Portland…
5 aslan16 | 23 Jun 2008
Don’t know what all the excitement is about - all the stuff in the green, blue and yellow bins just goes to the landfill - Portlanders just want to feel good.
6 Brian Clark | 23 Jun 2008
Chilling.
7 Tippy | 23 Jun 2008
we have no recycle bins in kansas. true story.
8 Zak | 23 Jun 2008
Pretty bold, calling out the idolatries of the people around you. I guess we take being able to make jokes about hippies for granted down here in Georgia.
No trip this summer, but we’ll be back, and in greater numbers…(2).
9 jancartier | 23 Jun 2008
Chuckling. Perverse I know , but chuckling. Good to have you back.
10 Robert Bruce | 23 Jun 2008
aslan16 - Religion can be found in many places. No?
Brian Clark - Worth it?
Tippy - Hilarious. I’d thought about having Walter just in from the midwest, but you beat me to it. Hope you guys are VERY well.
Zak - Sorry man, I was looking forward to it. But 2 will most likely end up being epic. Hurry.
jancartier - You get it, good. No Shame.
11 candice | 23 Jun 2008
My first thought - “is portland getting to him?” People I know here who ended up in portland complain about the green-ness when they come home.
Recycling is $15/month run by a cooperative down here at the end of the world. Optional, of course.
12 Robert Bruce | 23 Jun 2008
candice - Generally good ideas, just too pushy about it sometimes. One man’s opinion.
13 randalldowney11 | 24 Jun 2008
we need to call up al gore, have him fly us out to hollywood in his private jet to rally together a celebrity think tank that will develop once and for all a device capable of eliminating those dangerous bodily methane emissions. naturally, it will be designed for optimal seated comfort for those fortunate enough to afford the deluxe model. i’m quite sure it will be very popular at the academy awards. not to mention stylish as well.
it is our duty as intelligent, superior and humane mammals to take this burden upon ourselves so that no animal right may be violated by forcing it upon our livestock. we’re not barbarians after all. and since the middle class will be more than willing to do whatever we say, mass-production of the more affordable version should begin immediately.
we’ll fly back in the jet, of course.
14 Sharon | 24 Jun 2008
Haha :-) I’m almost afraid I’m gonna get lynch mobbed just for laughing at this. I’m not saying I don’t recycle, but I’m saying that if I didn’t I’d be afraid to admit it. Who knows what the penalty would be…[cue the scary music]
15 Robert Bruce | 24 Jun 2008
randalldowney11 - That thing better be air-conditioned. I hate the Los Angeles heat.
16 Robert Bruce | 24 Jun 2008
Sharon - I’ve got your back, your laugh is a large part of why I do it.
[cue snare and cymbal]
17 Janine | 25 Jun 2008
I have to admit, I found it funny. I’m still thinking it over (and wish I knew more of the story behind what inspired it). ;)
If you’re going to shoot it for a film, do it in Corvallis. It could have been written here…seriously.
18 David Zemens | 25 Jun 2008
Welcome back my friend.
19 randalldowney11 | 25 Jun 2008
i’m quite sure it is with all the hot air blowing around inside.
20 Nathan | 25 Jun 2008
Great piece and a nice look into the silliness that often infects a population. I’m bookmarking this one.
21 candice | 27 Jun 2008
The pushy stuff is what gets to me.
That and those people tend to not like me because I love cars. I’d never tell them I was raised in the oil business….
22 Magnus | 29 Jun 2008
Outstanding.
23 Robert Bruce | 30 Jun 2008
Janine - We’ll be there. You have guns right?
24 Robert Bruce | 30 Jun 2008
DZ - Thanks much my old friend.
25 Robert Bruce | 30 Jun 2008
Nathan - For some reason, I’ve got an insatiable appetite for silliness and idolatry. Both in myself and looking outward…
26 Robert Bruce | 30 Jun 2008
Candice - You and your cars and your guns my sister…
27 Rev Garland | 2 Jul 2008
I love nekkid people with earnest faces and hemp tennies.
28 Robert Bruce | 2 Jul 2008
Correct me if I’m wrong Reverend, but those guys showed up on your lawn as well, right?
I think you forgot to mulch your grass clippings or something…
29 Magnus | 9 Jul 2008
any reference here to william chillingworth?
30 Robert Bruce | 9 Jul 2008
Close big Magnus, so close.
Change the first name and think classic lit.
31 Meg | 11 Jul 2008
No, Rev. Garland just has nutgrass - but he doesn’t want us to tell anyone…
32 Andrew Eglinton | 22 Jul 2008
Great piece Robert.
I liked the sense of contradiction in the main theme of this poem, and the way it carries through into some of the detail such as here for example
They broke down
his front door
on a warm Friday
evening
The poem also has a wider reach and you can pretty much imagine that in a not so distant future the so-called ‘west’ will be invading developing countries in the name of recycling…
33 Elizabeth | 26 Jul 2008
Roger.
34 Lloyd | 12 Aug 2008
Robert! What would a truly efficient society look like? One in which there is a true absence of waste? What will the indigent gather? And would I ever be able to watch Sanford & Son without a twinge of nostolgia?
Write me, Mr. Hoffa!
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